ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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