a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
