end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
