I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
