somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm at about main and main street
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
