He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
if only i could text you this smell
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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