There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
