apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
