Umm I'm too high to move.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
