You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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