You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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