Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
