I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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