There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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