You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
sarcasm needs its own font
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
