im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
