What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
wow bdsm is so cute
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
