If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
