its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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