Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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