I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
