If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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