and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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