Will you blow on my dice?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
