Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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