sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
