Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
