I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
a search helicopter?!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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