you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
