I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I need help removing her.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
