when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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