I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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