You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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