Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
