The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
