well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize