the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
