it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
