My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
