My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
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No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
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I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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