So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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