my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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