My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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