yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Randomize
