please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
