Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
