the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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