I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
