I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
