is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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