the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
