i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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