Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
