I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
