He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
