Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
