I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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