I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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