Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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