3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
