all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
