And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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